Rough World Series #1: At the Philippine Tiangge

aaron: [holding up a pair of boxers] magkano

tindera (sales lady): 200

aaron: hay nako grabe! mahal mashadow. 100

my dad: [holding one up] walang butas

tindera: unisex boxers, mam-sir

aaron: ayokow. I need MALAKING hole [with matching hand measurement of 3 feet]

Racial Discrimination

me: I heard they saw Usher taking Jeeps around Manila

aaron: I bet it was just some black guy. People see foreigners and they think of celebrities

me: but it's not just us.. those black guys you worked with used to call you Harry Potter and Spiderman

me: RJ kinda looks like Toby McGuire

aaron: no, RJ can't be Toby McGuire because he's not white.

aaron: RJ can be Jet Li.

aaron: and Choob can be Jackie Chan.

aaron: and K can be Jackie Chan.

Naaalimpungatan

7:30am. 7 Aug 2010

aaron: Gusto ko ng... bedpan

me: how about starting the day with "good morning"

aaron: Good morning, gusto ko ng... bedpan

to my mad hatters...

i just saw Alice in Wonderland (i know, i'm late) and a quote reminded me of you guys:

The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
[Alice checks Hatter's temperature]
Alice Kingsley: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

stay mad peeps!
:)

just a minor kwento.

got home sunday night from a weekend beach trip. pretty tired from the journey but i went straight to the Church to catch one of the last few evening masses. first time it ever happened to me:

I Fell Asleep!

While Standing!

True story. I swear. Quite an experience. I was off balance for a second but good thing i was able to hold on to one of the pews and thus prevent complete and utter humiliation!

Maybe this is the reason why i can't find my passport. :D

mid western yoga (y'all)

usual yoga teacher: open your chest, lift your arms to the sky.. exhale.. roll down vertebrae by vertebrae.. send the top of your head towards the earth.. inhale.. relax your heart center...

substitute yoga teacher with twang: beind over.. lit chur head haing, lahk a shanny lil weight on uh feeshin' powl.. [hiccup]

My Brush with Pet-loving America

TOASTMASTERS INTERVIEW:

Toastmaster: tell us something about yourself that few people know

me: umm. I like rabbit

Toastmaster: awww (with a sparkle of innocence in his eyes) you like bunny rabbits?

me: no, i like to eat rabbit.

[no response. perhaps I should elaborate]

me: I guess they're dual-purpose that way

[perhaps I should have stopped at "rabbit"]

me in a desperate attempt to redeem myself: BUT I don't eat them if they're named, domesticated or vaccinated

[STILL no reaction from the crowd]

I told Aaron as soon as I got home (sumbong) -- FINALLY got some laughter out of this (God bless supportive spouses or at least ones with a similarly twisted sense of humor).

my best (my only) comeback!

aaron: I'm gonna show you who's boss around here

me: ..by holding a mirror in front of me?

[laughter]

Sweet (& pungent) Dreams are Made of These

Wednesday morning I was the first person at the bus stop (wow an early Filipino!), followed by 2 Indians in SHORT SLEEVED office shirts. Now this made me (the minority) look pretty ridiculous in my 5 layers of winter clothing. But just as I began to second guess myself, I saw them pull out some thick gloves from their bags. Apparently the poor chaps just arrived from India and forgot their coats at home. Not a very warm welcome at all!

I chatted them up and enjoyed their conversation while waiting, but that was the end of our encounter because I decided to sit elsewhere on the bus. And no, the motive was not prompted by my Filipino nose (tiny but sensitive!) because they didn't appear to carry the distinctive signature Indian aroma. But alas, 3 stops later another Indian gentleman who not only possessed the scent but also exuded it well beyond his 3 layers of clothing, stepped into the vehicle and decided to sit beside me. Breathe in, breathe out. This exercise was not exactly calming given the circumstances. At this point I thought I'd just pass the time by sleeping off the rest of the trip. And with that I resigned myself to a long nap and several dreams of curry.

I woke up 30 minutes later and glanced at my neighbor only to find him asleep. Perhaps dreaming about... kitkats and longanisa?

Why I moved to another country

Oh shit...

Addicts

I found out from my nieces that the latest in-thing (at least in Canada) has been to collect Lush* products.

*Lush is a store in the mall that you can smell from a 2-block radius. Individually, their products are [somewhat] fragrant, but as a chorus on the store shelf, they will overwhelm you with an experience of the quintessence present in every grandmother's perfume of choice.

(Brace yourself: flashbacks imminent)

The day after Xmas, the grownups of the household were out (Aaron and I were too lazy to wake up and go with them) so I woke the kids and made everyone breakfast in preparation for a trip to the mall afterwards.

At the table, the two girls started planning their would-be purchases. Aaron listened to them talk about 60 grams of this and 100 grams of that, so he thought he'd make some conversation:

"Are you talking about soap?" he asked them.

"No," i said to him in a loud whisper. "They're talking about cocain."

The two of us BURST out laughing!!!

... and my nieces looked at us like we were from another planet called Cincinnati.

Sige na, People!!

A year long hush?! Where are the odd stories for all our fans? Well "fan" - we had one but I think the flashing lights of the virtual world have long stolen his pocket-sized attention span from our grasp! Take my word for it: Chronic Clicking (and double-clicking) will someday out-fashion ADD.

Just got home from dinner and a side-trip to the gas station where our headlight cover was crushed by the driver of a brand new car that decided to back up against us instead of moving towards the road ahead. REALLY, the guy had 2 options - front / back - was it that challenging?

Anyway, everyone's so nice here, Aaron didn't even bother honking because he thought the other guy was just adjusting the car and would stop in time. It was actually me, with my Filipino-driver instincts, who pounced on the horn with the speed and agility of a one-million-dollar-chance-of-a-lifetime game show contestant.

[Gimme a] BEEEEEP!!!!

Sledding & The Conversation After

Aaron: I didn't know this was your first sled ride. I'm glad you saved yourself, but I want you to know that I've... done this before.... many, many times.... with different people.

me: even guys?

Aaron: yes. I was... so young then. I didn't know any better [looks towards distant horizon]. He told me he had a big sled!

1 Jeepney and a gay

ola cows! i want to share with you a funny (on hindsight) event that happened to me. it is a diane moment if there ever was one. so last friday, i went to Rockwell to watch the new James Bond flick (PHANTOM of Solace, according to my friend). But since i'm cheap, i decided to take the jeep! I quickly regretted my decision.

As soon as i entered the tightly packed jeep. i knew something was amiss. only when i sat in the middle did i realize--it was a jeep filled with gay comedian impersonators! O-M-G. i find them funny but i vowed never to be on the receiving end of their quick quips. too late. i didn't know my seat was specially picked for me. i was a corralled beside the queen bee--she was as gay as they get! she wasn't in costume tho but i swear, i almost feared for my life, or at least my dignity. I didnt want to look at him, trying to avoid contact as much as possible but i did know she was wearing shorts (or maybe a skirt, i can't be sure) sooo short that it was like he was just in a nightie. he was flailing his legs at me. He was squatting at times and shaking his booty in my direction while i looked away. he was talking to me in english, making small talk. he even sang 'Maging Sino Ka Man' to me ala ASAP or SOP! he was talking about me and addressing the crowd like he was in a show:

1. "Buti sinara mo yung ilaw kuya" (talking to the driver when the jeep went dark)
2. "Etong si kuya (me), di ko lang bibigyan ng load, bibigyan ko ng cellphone! (to which his colleagues replied "Pano mo gagawin yun e ikaw mismo walang cellphone!")
3. "Whereyooprom kuya? Bisitahin mo ko sa bahay ko. O punta ka sa club namin sa may DFA. Sa Parliament (i think). Kay Lacson yun, pag may dala kang 10 thousand pesos, pag labas mo ten pesos na lang, kulang pa pamasahe mo."
4. On his repartee with this other passenger: "Ikaw matanda ka na! Si kuya malakas pa."
5. "Pinagpapawisan na bay*g ko!"
6. And the usual "Lalake ako pare. Pa kiss nga."

the crowd wasn't much help, they were the ones egging him on to sit on my lap and to sing the Sharon Cuneta hit. And they were all laughing like mad! To top it all off, it was SUPER traffic. It took me twice as long to get to Rockwell but it felt like eternity. Good thing his attention was divided between me, this other older passenger which could be his real love interest, and what looked like a Japanese passenger in a taxi behind us who he was harassing. In fairness to him, he asked me if it was OK to do what he was doing. i just nodded silently. i didn't want to provoke him in any way! And i didn't dare take out my cellphone. :D

Good thing Rockwell eventually drew near and i tried to get out as defensively as i could. I'm sure they were all sad to see me go but i couldn't be more relieved. the movie was good, but i have to admit that the highlight of the night was the ride to Rockwell. the journey c ould be more memorable than the destination. :D

that's all cows! i hope you found happiness in my misfortune! hahaha. take care!

Summer 2008

Aaron and I have very different opinions about the term "room temperature". Unfortunately I got outvoted at home.. not to say that I was entirely defeated. By and by I've found ways to customize our 2nd-floor bedroom temperature. A special thank you to father science, for allowing Aaron to believe for over 2 weeks that it was due to the fact that *warm air rises*

Attempt #1: My Goodwill Donation

Attempt #2: "but that's YOUR gym stuff"

Attempt #3: "There was no more space in the fridge"

Attempt # 4: "The dog did it"

lady bugs

everytime i go for a smoke here in our Atlanta office i get bitten by these tiny bugs. interesting enough, i found out that it only bites females. unbelievable! sexual discrimination!!

da son of da boy

with all this news about the untimely demise of rudy "da boy" fernandez, my officemates said i look like teh one encircled, except kulot. hahaha. i personally dont think so...

reading assignment

after-dinner conversation

Aaron (to Brian): I'm very excited to read this massive book I just got tonight
Diane: the bible?
Aaron: no, it's something called "How to Dominate and Overpower your wife"

hahaha. Thicker than the bible then

Ode to Scratchy

For several months, we were haunted by the pitter-patter of little feet and scratchy noises emanating from the attic. We thus fondly referred to the unknown thing as Scratchy. Aaron, as landlord, called up the "Critter Catchers" to determine the nature of the problem (i.e raccoon, chipmunk, wolverine...) and through close examination of its excrement, they deduced the animal to be a squirrel.

For an extra $50-charge they would've caught the creature, but Aaron figured he could do it himself (of course). And he did successfully trap it: he blocked its passage to the outside resulting in its untimely demise right above our bedroom. (quite melodramatic and vengeful for a rodent)

When springtime came, the lengthened days saw to the thawing of the ice and to the decomposition of Scratchy's body as well; and the home that had once been cured of Scratchy's careless dance moves now endured the wrath of his rancid ghost.

Enter: the Fellowship, nay, the Order of the Dead Squirrel (move over ghostbusters). They are an elite force that would banish the odor of destruction and decay, literally.

(That's my husband on the left wearing my swimming goggles as part of his uniform)

Below: the grandmaster-catcher carrying top-of-the-line equipment

Victory: target exhumed

Scratchy: May you rest in peace, babe.

Writings on the Wall (A Welcome Home Tribute)

All but the orange were written and pasted by my "special" someone :)

from "Josh":

from Julissa:

from the "homeowners association":

from "Datta":

And the pièce de résistance: