The Tale of the Cursed Work Station & the Untimely Return of Stan Miller

Last Wednesday, Suzanne asked our boss if I could take his cubicle for the day so that we could be side by side in the office. He agreed, although in the back of his mind he must've considered the possibility of me vandalizing his space.
At 6pm I shut down my PC, went on a chilly 10-minute walk home, then plugged mr. computer right back in to continue the day's labor. But alas! The contraption would not turn on! I removed the battery, switched power sources, shook it, blew into each disk drive, baby-talked to it... all in vain. So I did what any sensible girl would do: I went to the mall. When I got back the piece of crap still would not turn on.
The next day at work I was given a pretty useless replacement. It was just icing on the cake that I'd forgotten my company password, locked it in an effort to convince the system that it was wrong and I was right, and upon calling the help desk, found out that their password reset tool was down. There was one thing that did work though: the company messaging application (Sametime) which logged on automatically under the previous owner's account - a certain Stan Miller. Realizing I shouldn't, nay, couldn't sit around and be unproductive in the work area, I proceeded to message my co-workers. Observe:

Stan Miller: M&S [Suzanne's Area] blows
[long pause]
Suzanne: hi Stan
Stan Miller: hi babe
[an even longer pause]

------------------------------------------------

Stan Miller: hi alejandro?
Alejandro: yes
Stan Miller: i heard you won some sort of company VIP award
Stan Miller: and the reason i'm bringing this up is because i'm part of an elite organization called OSEP
Alejandro: VIP?
Alejandro: ahhh MVP
Stan Miller: and i wondered if we could possibly screen you for induction
Alejandro: ahhok, I never heard of it
Alejandro: but sure
Stan Miller: thats great.. you'll enjoy excellent benefits, for a minimal fee, of course
Alejandro: what's that fee?
Stan Miller: $100 for the anual fee which includes the club uniform
Stan Miller: It's not spare change. this, after all, is the OSEP- the Organization of Super Excellent People (OSEP)

------------------------------------------------

Stan Miller: hi Roman
Roman: hi
Stan Miller: can i be your friend?
[no response]

------------------------------------------------

Stan Miller: hi, Andy? Of the Total Order Management Project right?
Andy: yes
Stan Miller: ok, I was told you were an expert in this area so I need your valuable opinion
Stan Miller: I have a cocktail party I'm attending this evening and I need something chic but appropriate to wear
Stan Miller: Like, what color range would go best with my dirty blond hair?
Andy: Do i know you?
Stan Miller: yes.
Stan Miller: Do you want to go to lunch?
[long pause]
Andy: I'm in a meeting right now and i can't talk

------------------------------------------------

Stan Miller: hey,
Stan Miller: are you single?
Christian: uhm..do I know you?
Stan Miller: well, andy told me about you
Stan Miller: and it was a rather intriguing conversation
Christian: single, but not available...
Stan Miller: ok. too bad for you. Business first though: I'm on the conference call you're in. suzanne asked me to tell you to tell Vaidy that his phone is not on mute and we can hear him breathing
Stan Miller: of course dont put it like that
Christian: Kindly inform the lady that he's no longer on sametime... and if he were, id ask him to breath harder

------------------------------------------------

Stan Miller: hi
Noname: hello
Stan Miller: I'd like to ask you out
Stan Miller: i saw your picture in people finder
[very long pause]
Stan Miller: noname?
Stan Miller: i'm rich. and almost single
Noname: what?
Noname: i don't understand... is this a joke?
Stan Miller: so i'll pick you up at 7 then?
Stan Miller: 13th street right?
Stan Miller: i would even dare to venture the slums for you
Noname: seriously... who is this?
Stan Miller: and my pc died and it needs an asian girl to take care of it
Noname: diane!
Noname: gaga!
Stan Miller: HAHAHA
Noname: gaga ka talaga.